I was born in the early 80s, blessed with two older brothers who made sure I listened to all the right things and saw all the right movies. I grew up with the Karate Kid. Granted, I know next to nothing about martial arts, but like I said, I watched this one movie.
And I was thinking about that movie today when I thought about the lessons of a Saturn and Rahu dasha and/or Sade Sati period in one’s life, and really just about any time to be honest. I thought about how the lessons are to let things go, to be like water, fluid, so that things move continuously, rather than confront and absorb into conflict.
One hundred percent of the people in the world experience conflict, even our saints (actually, especially our saints, who receive all of the sloppy shit the world gives them).
When an error-filled man blamed and shamed me for my womanhood, my power, my pride, my confidence, my friendships, all of which he could not own or control, I forgot to let the water flow. I stopped, listened to it as if it was all true, and absorbed the enemy. I retaliated and created a new layer of suffering for myself primarily instead of just watching the Karate Kid. I bit the hook, as Pema Chodron describes it. My emotions were triggered, and I bit the hook.
After a few months trembling in solitude with ptsd, I’m learning to let go that which I cannot control: other people’s perceptions and really anything at all. (The desire to control is a well-known effect of experiencing ptsd and c-ptsd.)
I read my favourite contemporary teacher’s essays on enemies and how to protect one’s soul as well as physical body from attack by enemies seen or unseen (gossip, illness, abuse, injury, etc.), but it only further drove me toward panic, thinking “I have to live a perfect life free of creating any harm, so that I will never again experience the suffering of this period.” After all, according to Jyotish and karmic philosophy, it is rather our fault that on some timeline somewhere we created harm and now (Saturn periods) we have to live through that harm to burn off that karma.
So I thought, “I will live in a monastery. I will close off to the world, eat no meat, walk carefully to avoid bugs, serve the poor, essentially I will be Jesus, a Vishnu-Avatar.”
Clearly that was a rather knee-jerk response to receiving harm, and to the perceived threat to my body and soul in case black magic was being done to me by a self-proclaimed tantric priest. I spent money to have priests in India perform pujas to help protect me. I chanted daily for hours, between shaking in bed and going for a walk to the end of my driveway (as far as my terrified mind would allow).
But now I see the point: to live in the world, with other beings, means encountering differences of opinions, including “opinions” that undermine one’s very validity (see: racism, misogyny). To be like water even in those moments means to not bite the hook, but rather to continue to extend only love and kindness to every soul, bug, and entity that shares the planet with you.
Of course, it doesn’t mean to not have boundaries to protect one’s body, mind, and spirit, or to fight for those who require assistance — an interesting place of negotiation. By all means, enforce boundaries to keep yourself safe from harmful people. They may react poorly to being thought of as being “harmful”, but that is their a-vidya and their triggers they will need to work through, not yours.
If through reflection and therapy and guidance they can see and allow for your experiences without enforcing theirs upon you, then perhaps you can enter into dialogue again, but in my opinion, the water keeps flowing, and your river has long since carried you to new places and people.
And I realize that in every moment of the day there are chances to practice letting things go. Particularly during any Ketu dasha. Or during the final bhukti (or “antar-“) dasha of a mahadasha lord. To release the hook from the tip of our reach. To consciously notice the triggers, physiologically and emotionally, to be with those triggers with loving awareness, and to consciously release them.
I do this now through a little post-it note on my desk that just says “let it go.” I know that my ruminating and emotional reactions were what was deemed to be required at the time, by my body to protect itself, and my mind in reaction to the perceived threat.
And I see that other people are on different timelines. Some react, some bite, I still do too. We are at different ages, different upbringings, different core beliefs, different dispositions and constitutions, energy levels, and lunar strengths. And when I see them react, and I see my reaction internally to their reacting, I remember to let it go, that I cannot change or control another person or their perceptions.
All I can do is offer forgiveness, release, a flow of compassionate space of pure being, partly to selfishly avoid future suffering and future karma, partly because it feels very much like the right things to do (many Jupiter Nakshatra placements in my charts), and partly because I am truly deeply exhausted and depleted.
With love,
~
Photo by Jack Anstey on Unsplash
